Hitler vs. Jesus

Right, so a couple of weeks ago my friend (who happens to be a stoner as you can probably guess) asked me who I would rather be. Hitler or Jesus…?

First though before I say anything else… I want to initially state that I’m going to discount the whole ‘Son of God’ argument in this debate because:

1.       If he was the Son of God he’d win… Hands down… No questions asked…

2.       Gods your dad… Well done *Thumbs up*

3.       God doesn’t exist so he can’t really have a son!

For arguments sake, if god did exist it still wouldn’t be that likely but a bit more plausible.

Now before all you Christians and religious nuts get all angst with me about that… I’ve done some research and what happened was science basically disproved the god theory and has fact-based evidence on you know… Evolution, the Big Bang theory, carbon dating, dinosaurs… It’s what I like to call ‘WHAT REALLY HAPPENED’ as opposed to the bible. The bible is at best what could be described as a tale of whimsy if anything…

There are a lot of contradictions in it…

What are the morals in the bible?

·         Don’t be a woman

·         Don’t be gay

·         Don’t trust your friends

·         If a talking snake comes up to you, ignore it ‘because it’s talking bullshit!

Yeah, the list goes on…

 

So… Jesus or Hitler? I’d rather be Hitler… Now I can appreciate that may be a controversial decision but let me explain…

 

 

Firstly, Jesus is just a regular bloke with a pretty shitty life… His mum was a slut…. There was not any immaculate conception! We all know she was playing around but not just that! Instead of her just admitting to a bit of rompy-grompy behind Joseph’s back while carpeting she thought this:

‘I know what I’ll do, I’ll just convince the entire world and multiple generations that god (creator of the universe, life and sins) to pick me to have his one and only son, the only representative of god on earth. That’s what I’ll do… We’ll probably even get some gifts off some wise men. Ya know? Make some money out of that and sell them on EbayBC (Yes I just made a B.C as in the 400 B.C joke)’

 

NOW this is the problem I have…

The wise men weren’t that wise if they didn’t realize she was a lying tart.

Also, if you was god, why would you stick your one and only son at that specific point in time in that specific place right next to the place where King Herod was thinking ‘I know... Let’s slaughter all the infants’, forcing Mary and Joseph to escape so Jesus wasn’t killed within 5 minutes of his birth before he can even speak. A better idea: Why didn’t god just stick him with a nice Egyptian family in the first place? You’d think that god would have the foresight to put him in a nice place. He’s done well to say he’s created the earth and the heavens etc. He slipped up there on his own son! Bad parenting skills from the almighty one, would you not agree?

 

Secondly, the betraying mate. Judas didn’t shag his girlfriend, he didn’t call him names, and he didn’t make some money off him. No. He handed him in…. TO GET CRUSIFIED. Hitler on the other hand. He was Führer  of Germany… The WHOLE country. Führer  for nine years from 1935-1944. Somewhere around the 1940’s basically. Jesus couldn’t even get 12 of his best mates or apostles as he liked to call them (Heard himself haha) to like him.

 

Granted, the choices Hitler made weren’t always the BEST judgment. Maybe a world war and the Holocaust were rather controversial BUT at least his mother wasn’t a slut. His mum WAS related to his dad though which is a LITTLE bit inbred and his dad did beat him as child so immediately we’ve got some sort of reasoning of why he might be mentally unstable! We’ve also got the whole nature Vs. nurture debate. Here though they are working together and it just got a little bit messed up. So maybe he got things a little bit wrong like deciding what’s good and what’s the absolutely most evil, hideous crime to mankind in human history! There’s a fine line!

 

Thirdly, as I mentioned earlier… There are quite a lot of skeptical views and evidence that Jesus didn’t even exist… Hitler on the other hand… Yeah… Hitler 100% definitely existed as one of the most famous men to date. If a genie came up to me and said ‘Ok Chris, Jesus or Hitler… Who do you want to be?’ and I said ‘Jesus’. Then he changed me and I didn’t exist, I’d be a little bit pissed off… Okay I wouldn’t be in existence to be pissed off but if there was an emotion to portray what my non-entity was feeling then it would be a little bit pissed off.

Had I of chosen Hitler I’d be guaranteed a good 56 years. He’s definitely not a fictitious character. Hitler has written one of the best selling novels of ALL time, he sold over 10 million copies of Mein Kampf.  Now Jesus, granted, stars in the best selling book of all time. That sold like 6 billion copies but he’s just a word on a piece of paper. It’s like saying ‘ohhh who would you rather be? J.K Rowling or Harry Potter?’ A lot of you are going to say Harry Potter, but no you wouldn’t. He does not exist, if he was real you would but he doesn’t. It’s like saying ‘J.K Rowling or the word box?’ Not A box, just the word box. Jesus is nothing but a word. Hitler sold 10 million copies which are on par with what? ‘A Brief History Of Time’, ‘Catch 22’ and so on. If you look at it this way though. All these books were sold 2.5 to 1 by ‘A very hungry caterpillar’ (Yes the children book).

 

Now back to Jesus vs. Hitler and less of the books.

 

Jesus Christ. The Christ part is important if you believe in the rest of the bible. Hitler on the other hand was called ‘The Great Dictator’. Now he wasn’t called the okay dictator or the bad dictator. The clues in the title very much like ‘The hungry caterpillar’ and that was very popular. So something’s to be said there. Jesus? Jesus Christ who? Adolf Hitler? Oh, he’s the great dictator.

 

Ignoring what Hitler did with his command and ignoring the god thing I would rather be Hitler because he did, well done, get all them people to listen to him, Jesus couldn’t manage twelve. He wrote a best selling book. Jesus didn’t he just starred in it even though he did not exist. His mums not a slag (HA FUCK YOU MARY). He is still messed up but despite all that adversity he is still one of the most famous men in history. Jesus? He’s only famous because of who his dad SUPPOSEDLY is. There is not even evidence god existed to BE his father.

 

So in conclusion I chose Hitler.

I’d like to hear your thoughts, opinions and decisions too.

Christopher Smith.